The Ultimate Sneaker Shopping Hack – Maronzio Vance

The Ultimate Sneaker Shopping Hack – Maronzio Vance


Now today I should have
been more, I guess, disciplined
in studying my set, or just go over some jokes
or whatever. But I didn’t.
I sat in my hotel room and I watched reality shows,
which I don’t like, but I watched them to make sure
that I still don’t like them. And I got caught up
watching Extreme Home Makeover. Now I must say
I love this show and if you don’t cry
by the end of it, you’re not a human being. Because these people get stuff,
I be like, “Oh my God.” Well I get excited and then
by the end I’m hating because I’m like, “How does this child have
a tree house inside their house? Like that don’t
even make sense,” so. But I’m watching
Extreme Home Makeover. And some of the cities I don’t
agree with, that they do. Like they did Detroit one time
and I was like, “Come on, really? Detroit?”
Like if I lived in Detroit and they came to my house
and they were like, “Hey, we want to give you
a new house.” I’d be like, “Look, can I speak
to you all for a second? Excuse me. My man, look,
can you just move us? I’m just saying
if that’s a option, please. If you’re not going to do
the whole city, it’s no point.” If you ever been to Detroit you would understand
why I made that joke. Let me tell you how bad
Detroit looks. If I was running the country
and we were under alien attack, I would automatically say,
“Let’s dub Detroit Earth.” That way when aliens land here,
they will go to Detroit, and be like, “Oh, they already took
this place over. Let’s get out of here. I’ll leave them some money
or something because they’re struggling.” Tried to find me some shoes
for this joyous occasion. Now, I’m on a budget so that means I have
to shop within my reasons. And I go into a shoe store
couple a days ago to buy some sneakers
and I go inside and this kid is very aggressive, he really wants
to make this sale. But he don’t realize
that I don’t have the money to help him reach the goals
that he’s trying to achieve. And he comes up to me.
He’s like, “How can I help you?” I said, “Look man,
I think I want those sneakers right there.”
And he criticized my choice. He was like, “Why do you want
those old ass sneakers?” I was like, “Because those old
ass sneakers are in my budget. Now go get those shoes.” And he went to go get the shoes.
He brought him back out to me and he says,
“Would you like to try them on?” I’m like, “Look man,
I’m 30 something years old if I don’t know
what size shoe I wear now, I shouldn’t
be shopping for shoes. What are you going to do? Put the shoe on my foot
and tap the tip of my toe?” I’m like, “Yeah man. You still got some
growing room in there. I can see how that’s
going to work out for you.” But I’m like, “Just bag
the shoes up, let’s go.” And that should have been
end of the transaction but he kept going on
and he says to me, “Can I ask you a question?”
I said, “Sure, what’s going on?” He said, “What do you
clean your shoes with?” I was like, “Nothing. That’s why
I’m in here buying new shoes.” He said, “Well can I interest
you in this cleaning solution?” I said, “No, I’m already
not interested in it. I’m not going to use it.” He was like,
“No, it just take two seconds.” I said, “No,
I don’t have two seconds.” “It take one second.”
“Fine, you got a second.” He goes, he get this
cleaning solution from the back. He comes out, he takes a bucket, he pours this cleaning solution
and some water, and he asked me for my shoe.
And I gave him my shoe and he cleaned the shoe
like his life depended on it and he handed me the shoe back
and he was like, “What do you think?”
I was like, “You know what? That’s not bad at all.
Do the other one.” And he cleaned the other shoes
like his life depended on it and he handed me the shoe back
and I was like, “You know what man, I don’t think
I’m about those shoes now.” He was like, “Why not?” I said, “Because those shoes
look like these. There’s no need to waste money.
Thank you for your time.” And I tried to walk out
of the store and he yelled out, “Well, aren’t you at least going
to buy the cleaning solution?” I was like, “No, I’ll just wait
until they get dirty again. I’ll come back in here
on your day off. Because … ”

You may also like

27 Comments

  1. Well that shoe sales person has bad business sense. I good sales person can see a broke person who will take free to the point of never buying anything, a mile away.

  2. My mom legit used to trick over aggressive Kirby vacuum salesmen into deep cleaning and shampooing our carpets exactly like this growing up 😂

  3. Haven’t even watched yet. I have been trying to remember this guys name for YEARS. I saw his act years ago and forgot his name. Never forgot the damn joke. I’m so pleased 😃 “ Bitch, I’ll move yo job”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *